CHUCK

My hero is chuck he is a therapeutic horse where kids can ride him. he shows me that i can do things i just have to believe in myself. i was thinking tonight that that day when i go to work and he is not there and i cant see and talk to him it will be hard to pass his stall. i know there will be a lot of memories that will be there. i know he will still be there with me. its just will be hard to explain to people why im so sad and upset that a horse passed away. thats just it he is NOT just a horse he is a part of me. if his heart just keeps going and they retire him and he leaves i will be devastated. the place i work do not tell us were they go if they retire them or if they pass away. that is why i am so worried when he gets and eye infection because it might become more then that. i love the days were we work together and have a great time. He will be a part of me now and forever. you cant find another horse like him. yea you can get the same breed and the height but his attitude you can never get that. when someone says you can never get him back its so true. Chuck i will always love you and i will miss you when you are not here anymore to make me smile when you give me a hug. when no one can cheer me up and your the one who does. i love you so much

Tonight at youth group it was really powerful i got closer to God and i am loving it i put up on my tweeter that i am NOT ashamed of being a christen and that God is my father and not one can change that about me. Now for all of you that are a christen and are hiding it from ur friends because you don't know what they will think or will make you less popular REALLY is it worth not showing that you are in this family. And Celebs are like yes and i would like to thank God for getting me here and then you see them doing drugs or porn or something else and that's not what christen do. so Celebs when you thank God when you get an award then if your not a christen become one and if you are and truly are then act like it because you are in this family and be proud of it and if you other celeb friends don't want to hang out with you that means they are not your friends at ALL. Be a light and let people know.

my hero

today i found out that the first 2 weeks of school would be doing this my hero project. I have been thing about who i wanted to put as my hero i have a lot of people and an animal i do look up to. its going to be fun to let everyone know that hey this is my hero and no one can stop me. last night i did get to see my hero. i get to see 2 time a week for close to 5 hrs 10 hrs a week. i got to work with him. he is not your normal hero. you will all find out soon who he is. some of you might know who it is. i hope you all have had a great day so far.
God bless =>

Pegasus

pegasus you might know of the horse with wings. but to me and the kids and the other volunteers it means so much more then just a horse with wings. When we (the other volunteers) can see the kids learn and see the light bulbs go on. you hear from teachers i love to see the light bulbs go off when they know what they are doing. i never knew that till i started to work out there. you get so attached to the kids and the horses. i remember the first time i saw him i knew we would get along really nice. the other volunteers said that he would try to bit at the box and the lift. he never did and has never done it. i can led him with out a led rope. he gives me hugs (kinda weird) but yes hugs lol. i cant wait to see him every week. and its hard not to see him when i cant make it out there. i love you chuck always and forever. everyone asks do you have a man in your life and i say yes 3 almost 4. 3 in which are human and one is a horse. they look at me like im stupid. but when u get an animals love you cant refuse it they just keep giving it. so why not take it !!!!! <3

ahhhhh the end of summer

i know i have not wrote in a long time been really busy with trying to finish up school and then summer has been so crazy. the end of summer came with the horse show it was so great to see all the kids show off what they have learned. i have also gotten reconnect with some old friends and made some new ones :D at youth group and at pegasus! i miss chuck have not seen him in 2 weeks it seems like a month. (chuck is a horse i have fallen in love with) tomorrow is the fist day back i cant wait to see all the horses, kids and volunteers! i have been thinking i really want to do a post all about pegasus it has impacted my life so much. so ill will be posting one really really soon! have a blessed last day of summer if your fist day is tomorrow!!!!!!!!!

WOW

i cant believe that old volunteers can just walk in and it looks like hey have been there forever and new volunteers can just be apart of the group when i started i had to earn my way up i never got to work with the good horses i had the bad ones or i had to pick that is just not fare. it just feels like i a have been swapped out for new. i just want the world to stop for a second and me and chuck would be there and then Kurt comes in life would be so good. i just want to talk to him, i just want to ride chuck and just go until there is no where to go.

life

i don't know what people want me to be anymore i don't want to be like that i just wish i could go out and be myself. i want a guy to ask me truly how are you? i want him to want to talk to me and cares about if I'm stressed out or not. i want him to say hey do want to come over and just get away from all of it. i need to get away from it. i am so stressed out that i don't know what to do with myself. i want my parents to like him. i want him to come to church with me. i want him to say good night to me and mean it and not just say it. i want him to call just to hear my voice. i want him to come over to the house and have my niece to know and love him like he has been part of the family forever i want my mom and dad to say proudly that this is my daughters boyfriend. i want to know and like his parents. i want my BFFF girlfriend to like him and that he wont hurt me physically or emotionally.

i hate my life

My sisters won hey got me to brake i hate it i cant stand it at all i need to get a punching bag like real thing i cant stand it i am going to the farthest collage i can find

i cant do it any more

all we talk about is babies. babies this babies that im SICK of it i just want every one to be mute for me to tell them what i want to say i have had it all stuck it up for 2 year almost 3 years now i just want this over i want it back to normal i don't want any babies here i want it to be my mom my dad and my twin brother that's all. i want someone that will listen to me i what him to take me away from all of this i want him to tell me everything will be ok and that hes here for me

the end of the first month of 2011

a lot has happen since the last time i have blogged.my life seems like i dont fit in it any more. they only time people really need me is when they need me to do something, and then other times im like a ghost and no one can see me. if i could i would sleep with my best friend in the world he just listens to me and he could listen to me forever. when im with him it feels like its him and me and no one else. but then when i have to go home i know no one will ask , hey how was pegasus, or what did you do tonight. they are always busy with the babies or when i come home my dad was at work. but then i got a txt asking how pegasus was and then i just wanted to start crying. but then other days when i start saying something about pegasus my family jokes around and says to journal. i do laugh but at the same time i want to go to my room and just wish i was there and i could be telling him. like yesterday my sister with the two kids went out to party ( drink) and my mom and i had to watch the babies. then i heard my dad come in this morning just turning 6 and said she didn't come home that her butt whole bf had to much and did not want to drive her home so then i had them like all day today. when she came home she didn't say thank you she just starting to be mean. i cant stand his anymore i just wish she would move out. or i will be doing something about it. i just wish i had a human someone hat could take me away from it all.

people looking from the outside in to...

when i tell people what goes on they don't understand.

Ida Scott Taylor once wrote: Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.

i want to do this so much. but things just trigger memories and i just want to get them off my chest i cant not stand having something on my chest. if i had the chance to tell that guy what i feel i don't think i will but then i would regret it so much and i think in the end i would. you guys probably think that my life it messed up and that i hate it. well yea sometimes but a lot i love it because it is not normal at all. my life is so different from others that i don't know how a guy would love me and all the baggies that come with me. i don't ever think that i will ever stop loving him.

Life being normal

2 years ago i did school hung out with friend when ever my life was awesome. now i do school see my friends once a month and now i wish i was 15 and it was normal. everything has change, i have to plan around my sister going out and partying or her work. i just cant txt one of my friends and say hey do you want to see a movie. i always just want to be out i want to not be here when she is here. i just want to lift all the time. that is not normal. last year i asked for a punching bag to get stress out on. it is so stupid that i am this young and i have to go though this. i don't like it at all. i cant believe that last year on new years eve i had the love of my life and now he sometimes talks to me. he is the one who made me smile all the time i never got mad and when i did he turned that frown up side up. he was always wanting to see me just to say hi. but now i am a teenager and i have so many things i am going though and i don't have a person in my life to talk to and let him take me to this world far away just taking to me that is what i love the most about him. ahhhh that is what i loved about 2009. i hope everyone's week is going well and i hope its a safe one <3

going back to school

after a long needed break form the stress of school i am wondering what will happen. will this boy talk to me. will he even look at me. Robert

Louis Stevenson once said, "You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"

you need to stand up for what you believe in. Well i wish i could go to school and see his face and see if he would look at or say hi. but i am home schooled and this is his last year. i wish that i would go to school with him but again i wish not. 1st i would want to go to school because maybe he would be my boyfriend and i would not have to deal with my sisters until i would get home and even then i would probably go over to his house and study. but then again what if i did go to school and i put my self out there and he put me down then everyone would know that i was the one that is not with one of the big football players. i wish he could see me everyday and see what he put me though. So this summer i will have to see how it will go and see if we could get to a level where he came over to my house and hung out or me going to his house. i hope all of you had a great new year and i hope you all have a great week back to school God Bless

Ringing in the new year

last year i had someone special in my life to say Happy new year and i wish he was at my party so MAYBE we could have kissed but last night i stayed home with my mom and dad. it was much more fun then having a lot of people over. last year i never knew that i would have to new nephew. i didn't know that the guy i loved was going to stop talking to me at the hardest time in my life. i didn't know that my dad was going to lose his job because of  a crazy boss. But this year i want to hang with my friends as much as possible. i want to see if i can find that special guy for me. This year i rang the new year with my 2 month  old nephew. that was so good he was awake and watching the crowd in NYC. I hope everyone had a great new years eve and day be safe and God Bless