i cant do it any more

all we talk about is babies. babies this babies that im SICK of it i just want every one to be mute for me to tell them what i want to say i have had it all stuck it up for 2 year almost 3 years now i just want this over i want it back to normal i don't want any babies here i want it to be my mom my dad and my twin brother that's all. i want someone that will listen to me i what him to take me away from all of this i want him to tell me everything will be ok and that hes here for me

the end of the first month of 2011

a lot has happen since the last time i have blogged.my life seems like i dont fit in it any more. they only time people really need me is when they need me to do something, and then other times im like a ghost and no one can see me. if i could i would sleep with my best friend in the world he just listens to me and he could listen to me forever. when im with him it feels like its him and me and no one else. but then when i have to go home i know no one will ask , hey how was pegasus, or what did you do tonight. they are always busy with the babies or when i come home my dad was at work. but then i got a txt asking how pegasus was and then i just wanted to start crying. but then other days when i start saying something about pegasus my family jokes around and says to journal. i do laugh but at the same time i want to go to my room and just wish i was there and i could be telling him. like yesterday my sister with the two kids went out to party ( drink) and my mom and i had to watch the babies. then i heard my dad come in this morning just turning 6 and said she didn't come home that her butt whole bf had to much and did not want to drive her home so then i had them like all day today. when she came home she didn't say thank you she just starting to be mean. i cant stand his anymore i just wish she would move out. or i will be doing something about it. i just wish i had a human someone hat could take me away from it all.

people looking from the outside in to...

when i tell people what goes on they don't understand.

Ida Scott Taylor once wrote: Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.

i want to do this so much. but things just trigger memories and i just want to get them off my chest i cant not stand having something on my chest. if i had the chance to tell that guy what i feel i don't think i will but then i would regret it so much and i think in the end i would. you guys probably think that my life it messed up and that i hate it. well yea sometimes but a lot i love it because it is not normal at all. my life is so different from others that i don't know how a guy would love me and all the baggies that come with me. i don't ever think that i will ever stop loving him.

Life being normal

2 years ago i did school hung out with friend when ever my life was awesome. now i do school see my friends once a month and now i wish i was 15 and it was normal. everything has change, i have to plan around my sister going out and partying or her work. i just cant txt one of my friends and say hey do you want to see a movie. i always just want to be out i want to not be here when she is here. i just want to lift all the time. that is not normal. last year i asked for a punching bag to get stress out on. it is so stupid that i am this young and i have to go though this. i don't like it at all. i cant believe that last year on new years eve i had the love of my life and now he sometimes talks to me. he is the one who made me smile all the time i never got mad and when i did he turned that frown up side up. he was always wanting to see me just to say hi. but now i am a teenager and i have so many things i am going though and i don't have a person in my life to talk to and let him take me to this world far away just taking to me that is what i love the most about him. ahhhh that is what i loved about 2009. i hope everyone's week is going well and i hope its a safe one <3

going back to school

after a long needed break form the stress of school i am wondering what will happen. will this boy talk to me. will he even look at me. Robert

Louis Stevenson once said, "You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"

you need to stand up for what you believe in. Well i wish i could go to school and see his face and see if he would look at or say hi. but i am home schooled and this is his last year. i wish that i would go to school with him but again i wish not. 1st i would want to go to school because maybe he would be my boyfriend and i would not have to deal with my sisters until i would get home and even then i would probably go over to his house and study. but then again what if i did go to school and i put my self out there and he put me down then everyone would know that i was the one that is not with one of the big football players. i wish he could see me everyday and see what he put me though. So this summer i will have to see how it will go and see if we could get to a level where he came over to my house and hung out or me going to his house. i hope all of you had a great new year and i hope you all have a great week back to school God Bless

Ringing in the new year

last year i had someone special in my life to say Happy new year and i wish he was at my party so MAYBE we could have kissed but last night i stayed home with my mom and dad. it was much more fun then having a lot of people over. last year i never knew that i would have to new nephew. i didn't know that the guy i loved was going to stop talking to me at the hardest time in my life. i didn't know that my dad was going to lose his job because of  a crazy boss. But this year i want to hang with my friends as much as possible. i want to see if i can find that special guy for me. This year i rang the new year with my 2 month  old nephew. that was so good he was awake and watching the crowd in NYC. I hope everyone had a great new years eve and day be safe and God Bless